Jokes about electricians
People argue whose profession is the oldest:
Builder: our profession is the oldest! We were still building the Tower of Babel ...
Prostitute: no, my profession is older! When you first started building, we had been working for a thousand years! Electrician: Don't argue in vain! The oldest profession is an electrician!
By the time the Lord said: `` Let there be light! '' The electricians had already spread all the wiring ...
Two electricians on the pole. An old woman walks by.
First electrician:
- Granny, please give me a wire.
Old lady:
- What, my dear, this?
Electrician :
- No, granny, another
The old lady serves. First electrician to second:
- I told you that "zero", and you - "phase", "phase" !!!
A man comes to a neighbor and sees:
he stands with a frying pan in his hand, fries eggs, but does it somehow strangely: he transfers from one electric stove to the second, from the second to the third, and then again to the first.
Man:
- What are you doing?
- Yes, I have a wire from the traffic light.
- I'm making a chair here for my mother-in-law
- And there is still a lot left?
- No ... There is only work left for an electrician.
The teacher asks the children:
- Mishenka, who is your dad by profession? - Lawyer ... - And yours, Leshenka? - Surgeon ... - And yours, Little Johnny? - Transformer! - What is it like?!
- Well, he gets 380 rubles, 160 - gives it to mom, and 220 - buzzes ...
Advances have made electrical outlets safe for children. As a result, the most talented and curious of them perish.
An electrician at work: "The last patron is for yourself!"
An electrician, a chemist, a mechanic and a programmer ride together in a car. Suddenly the motor stalled.
- The electrician says, "Probably the battery is dead" - The chemist says, "No, most likely the wrong gasoline." - Mechanic, "I think this transmission is not working."
Everyone looked at the programmer and asked what he thought.
- Programmer: "Can we get out of the car and get back in?"
Pessimist: We have a tragedy today. In our high-rise building, a sewer burst, which flooded the switchboard, which turned off the light. Meanwhile, an elevator, a plumber and an electrician were in the elevator.
- And we killed a man with 12 volts!
- How?
-The battery fell off the shelf.
From an explanatory electrician.
"Got 250 grams of alcohol to wipe contacts.
In the process of working, I breathed in alcohol vapors,
lost my control and drank everything else. "
It has been established that if you change the phase and zero in places,
then the light bulb begins to generate darkness and coldness.
-The switch on the wall was invented by a lazy person, because a hardworking person is not too lazy to climb into a chair and unscrew the light bulb!
- Every time I open a junction box somewhere, I am convinced again and again that all electricians are creative people.
In a semi-dark entrance, an electrician is busy with a broken lamp, a tenant who entered sympathetically says: Is it dark? Maybe turn on the light ...
The electrician runs to the signalman,
- Give me your claws, you have to climb the pillar. He gave it to him. An electrician comes running in ten minutes,
-hear signalman give one more claws.
- And what happened to those ?!
- Yes, they stayed on the post.
Lesson at school. The teacher asks the children who their ancestors were in the war:
- Mashenka, did your grandfather fight?
- Yes, Mary Ivanna, he was a tanker.
- And you, Little Johnny, who was your grandfather in the war?
- Probably an electrician ... ???
- Yes, I found his helmet, there are two zippers drawn ...
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jokes "Animals"
A porcupine cub was lost in the dark and, having stumbled upon a cactus, asked hopefully: "Mom?"
The pet should be quiet, calm and not bothering the owner. For example, a stuffed owl ...
In the shop
“Look, your moth remedy is no good. The mole eats it with pleasure!
- Then it's all right. While she eats it, she has no time for clothes.
A man comes to a pet store:
- Do you have anything that would be able to speak skillfully?
- There is! Talking centipede.
He comes home, fed her and says:
- Are we going for a walk? - She is silent.
- Are we going for a walk, or not? - Silence again.
Man, furious:
- Cheated, you bastards! What the hell are you talking about ?!
- Don't shout! I'm putting on ...
A cage with two parrots is on sale. One of them is handsome, tumbling and chatting all the time. The other is sleepy, nondescript and silent. The buyer wants to take only a handsome man. But the seller warns:
- If you, monsieur, do not buy a silent man, then the handsome man will be silent.
- Why?
- He's a director, monsieur!
Forgot to feed the cat yesterday.
In the morning I wake up - something rattles in the kitchen ...
Probably cooking.
anecdotes "Motorists"
- Listen, does your car start at -25?
- And the devil only knows - it does not open ...
On a driving test.
- You are driving a moving vehicle. Suddenly, two figures appear in front of you - an old woman and a girl.
- Whom will you crush?
- Probably the old woman ...
- Brake! It is necessary to press the brake!
From the explanatory note: "I spent an hour trying to explain to your stupid traffic cop that I was wearing different sandals yesterday, so the driver's license remained in another bag."
Advice to motorists. Park your car on a busy freeway and put your hair dryer out of the window to meet traffic. You will see how they slow down.
After the increase in fines for talking on a mobile phone, drivers stopped talking on the phone. Now they write esemeski ...
Parallel parking is when you have successfully parked and you are completely
parallel to where the others will stand.
There is a sign in the minibus: "Don't make faces in the mirror to the driver!"
I would never have thought of this, but read it - and I wanted to!
From one autoforum:
- I bought a new bibik, a fresh Mercedes, now I want a fancy tuning and a couple of original inscriptions, who knows where you can make it cheaper?
- Park your car at night across the entrance to the yard, cheap and cheerful;
anecdotes "School Children"
Teacher:
- Little Johnny, tell me honestly, who did your homework for you?
- I don’t know, Mary Ivanna, I was already asleep.
On September 1, 2013, children with bouquets of snowdrops go to school.
Recently I was on a trolleybus. A little girl, 5-6 years old, is traveling with her parents. And next to him is a guy carrying a turtle in a bucket. The girl became interested and asked to see.
The guy gave it. The girl, bewildered, turned it over in her hands and asked in a loud voice:
- How is the cover removed?
I want to stroke her!
- Maryivanna, but this school knowledge will never be useful to me in my life.
- Your dad, Little Johnny, thought so too, that's why he made so many mistakes in your homework.
A friend's five-year-old daughter, who came to kindergarten in a new pink dress, when asked "Who bought it for you?" proudly answered: "Narevela!"
Schoolboy and pensioner at the bus stop. The pensioner sneezed. Schoolboy:
- Be healthy!
- Thank.
- Yes, not at all.
- Yes, not worth it
- Don't be smart.
- Fuck you!
The child was presented with a doctor's toy set! The cat started a new life with intractable diseases.
- Dad, where do children come from?
- And why are you, son, not interested in where adults come from? Or are we completely on the drum ?!
- Son, look, what a fashionable jacket your mom brought you!
- Mom, but she's three sizes bigger!
- Yes, I know, the patch came out - the uncles that lie on the streets are completely different sizes ...
- We agreed, or what!
The son asks his father where he is from. The father, blushing, avoiding the most piquant moments, explains. Finished and asks:
- Well, do you understand?
Son completely out:
- wow, how all this turns out to be interesting.
And when Petka asked his dad, he simply answered him - from Krasnoyarsk.
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